Share meeting (workshop meeting below)

Script

Chair:

Welcome home.  There is a solution:  Trust Higher Power, Clean House and Do Service.

This is the (Tuesday night/Thursday evening/Saturday afternoon/Sunday morning) Citylights (Book Study/Step Study) meeting of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. My name is _______________ and I’m a Sex and Love Addict. Let’s open with a moment of silence to reflect on why we’re here, followed by the

Citylights Weekly Prayer found on our website (http://citylightsnyc.org/prayers/)

(or use serenity prayer if opening prayer of the week has not been posted)

Serenity prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Chair: Our capacity for the…
(Choose one:)

Tuesday evening meeting is 49 people
Thursday evening meeting is 8 people
Saturday afternoon meeting is 8 people
Sunday morning meeting is 8 people

(Choose one:)

(Tuesday) bathrooms are behind and to the left

(Thursday/Saturday/Sunday) Our landlord has strict capacity rules. Please write down the code if you have to go to the bathroom. We will take down the sign on the outside of the door with the code once the capacity has been reached.

Chair: I will describe a broad format of the meeting. Part 1: opening Part 2: book study, Part 3: sharing, Part 4: closing.

(Part 1, Opening):

Chair: Citylights New York, citylightsnyc.org, is a distinct and dynamic, but not separate part of SLAA NY created to focus on the recovery of members who want help with the steps and tools of the program  in safe, sober, intimate, handicapped accessible, spiritually-neutral environments. Together, members of Citylights New York support one another in applying the SLAA principles in an empathetic, accepting, inclusive atmosphere. As a part of SLAA, there is no separate membership for attending Citylights meetings. As it states in our Third Tradition, “the only requirement for SLAA membership is a desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction.”

Chair: We now read the problem, please read one and then pass, going in a clockwise circle.

(Read the characteristics)

  1. Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.
  2. Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.
  3. Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.
  4. We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.
  5. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.
  6. We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing care, and support.
  7. We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.
  8. We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies.
  9. We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.
  10. We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities.
  11. To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.
  12. We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.

 

Chair:  To address the problem the solution starts with the 12 steps, please read one and then pass, continuing clockwise from where the last reading left off

(Read the steps, starting with the person next to the one who just finished reading the characteristics).

  1. We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.

 

Chair: The steps help keep us from killing ourselves, the traditions help keep us from killing each other.

(Read the traditions, starting with the person next to the one who just finished reading the steps).

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SLAA unity.
  2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority — a loving God as this Power may be expressed through our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
  3. The only requirement for SLAA membership is the desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. Any two or more persons gathering together for mutual aid in recovering from sex and love addiction may call themselves an SLAA group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation.
  4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SLAA as a whole.
  5. Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to the sex and love addict who still suffers.
  6. An SLAA group or SLAA as a whole ought never to endorse, finance, or lend the SLAA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
  7. Every SLAA group ought to be fully self – supporting, declining outside contributions.
  8. SLAA should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
  9. SLAA as such ought never to be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
  10. SLAA has no opinion on outside issues, hence the SLAA name ought never to be drawn into public controversy.
  11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than on promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, film, and other public media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all fellow SLAA members.
  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

 

Chair:

SLAA was started in 1976, in Boston, by a few people who had come to realize that sex, romantic intrigue and dependency were affecting their lives in the same way as had their chemical addictions. They found that the compulsion to continue with promiscuous sex or to return over and over to destructive relationships could not be controlled by willpower alone.

Sobriety is the return of choice, sanity, and personal dignity which comes from surrender to sex and love  addiction, followed by involvement with S.L.A.A.’s Twelve Step Program of recovery. There are no absolutes for sobriety in S.L.A.A., as individual patterns of sex and love addiction vary. However, each S.L.A.A. identifies for him/herself major addictive behavior which is personally relevant, and becomes “sober” by abstaining from this behavior on a daily basis.

 

END OF OPENING

———————————

Chair: Book Study

 

Chair: Can I get a volunteer to be the spiritual timekeeper?

Chair: Timekeeper, please time 12 minutes with a 1 minute warning.

Chair:

(Choose one)

(For Reading meetings–see below for Workshop meetings)

Chair: At this time we will read selections about the topic of the meeting. These selections are taken from conference-approved SLAA literature and other 12-step related literature. Today we are reading from ________ (state the title and if official SLAA literature)  Read a section or two, and then hand the pages on to the next member. We will go around the room clockwise, starting with me. Feel free to say “pass” if you choose not to read.

(During Workshop meetings):

Chair: At this time we will engage in the study portion. I will help members through the item of the meeting.

(remember statement on outside literature)

End of Book Study

CHAIR: We are now ready to begin the  reflection portion of the meeting. We have pen and paper available on the table for those of you who need them. We will take two minutes for all of us to reflect on the topic or to meditate.

Chair: Timekeeper, two minutes please.

[At 2 minutes] say…

(part 3: shares)

Chair: It’s now time to begin the sharing and getting current portion of the meeting. Getting current means that each person has the opportunity to share what is currently happening in his or her life. Particular emphasis is placed on sharing the sexual and emotional situations which appear to pose the major threats, here and now, to maintaining sobriety in SLAA. Getting current is best done on a daily basis within groups, with your sponsor, or with other members. Also, we are here to work the 12 Steps, traditions and the concepts of Sex Love Addicts Anonymous.  Please share about your progress in working the 12 steps of SLAA.

Chair: Can someone read the statement on cross talk?

 

MEMBER READS: Cross-talk, in some areas also called “feedback,” is discouraged at our meetings. Cross-talk is sometimes defined as advice, making direct reference to what someone else has shared or otherwise  drawing attention to another member’s story. Cross-talk is interrupting someone when they are sharing, commenting on what someone shares, talking to someone directly in the meeting, or referencing what someone has said in this or another meeting. We also avoid excessive detailing of our acting out behaviors.

 

Chair: I will start holding the invisible talking stick and will then pass it to the next person in a round-robin. If you don’t want to share, you can say pass.

 

(Shares)

Chair: That is all the time we have for sharing today.

Chair: Treasurer, can you please read the 7th tradition statement?

TREASURER READS: We now pass the (“basket” or “envelope” on Fridays) (“purple pouch” Saturdays and Sundays) according to our 7th Tradition which states, “Every S.L.A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions”.  We have no dues or fees but we do have expenses. Our expenses such as rent and literature are paid by voluntary contributions from our members. Some of the money collected may be sent on to the local intergroup and to SLAA’s Fellowship-Wide Services office which provide service to the Fellowship on a regional and Worldwide basis respectively. Please give what you can. If you can’t, please keep coming back — we need you more than your money.

Chair: Are there any announcements for SLAA or related programs, including service such as literature?

(Please announce or have a member announce the other Citylights meetings, also stating that our meetings can be found on the SLAANY website)

Chair: The best way to help this meeting is to count days off your bottom lines. We recognize progress on bottom lines at our chip ceremony every other Sunday.

Chair: We will now read the “Blessings.”  Please each read a portion and pass the reading on to the next member.

(Read The Blessings)

  1. We came to find intimacy with ourselves, intimacy with God, and then intimacy with others.
  2. In domestic partnerships we discovered a whole new experience of sexuality as a non-addictive medium.
  3. In relationships with others we let go of self-serving power and prestige as driving motives.
  4. Careers that had been exploited mainly for material security at the expense of self-fulfillment no longer appealed to us.
  5. Our usefulness as channels for healing was a direct result of our experience in sickness, as well as in recovery.
  6. We discovered that we could continue to affirm our recovery by working with other sex and love addicts.
  7. We discovered that the source of love, which was of God, had begun to flow from within us.

Chair: We will now read the “Signs of Recovery.  Please each read one or two Signs and pass the reading onto the next member.

(Read The Signs of Recovery)

  1. We seek to develop a daily relationship with a Higher Power, knowing that we are not alone in our efforts to heal ourselves from our addiction.
  2. We are willing to be vulnerable because the capacity to trust has been restored to us by our faith in a Higher Power.
  3. We surrender, one day at a time, our whole life strategy of, and our obsession with, the pursuit of romantic and sexual intrigue and emotional dependency.
  4. We learn to avoid situations that may put us at risk physically, morally, psychologically or spiritually.
  5. We learn to accept and love ourselves, to take responsibility for our own lives, and to take care of our own needs before involving ourselves with others.
  6. We become willing to ask for help, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and learning to trust and accept others.
  7. We allow ourselves to work through the pain of our low self-esteem and our fears of abandonment and responsibility. We learn to feel comfortable in solitude.
  8. We begin to accept our imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, healing our shame and perfectionism while working on our character defects.
  9. We begin to substitute honesty for self-destructive ways of expressing emotions and feelings.
  10. We become honest in expressing who we are, developing true intimacy in our relationships with ourselves and others.
  11. We learn to value sex as a by-product of sharing, commitment, trust and cooperation in a partnership.
  12. We are restored to sanity, on a daily basis, by participating in the process of recovery.

 

Chair: In closing, I’d like to say that the opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you like and leave the rest. The things you heard here were spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and the confines of your mind.

Chair: A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long: whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too. If you try to keep an open mind you will find help. You will realize that there is no circumstance too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened. We aren’t perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. After a while you will discover that, though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way—the same way we already love you. Talk to one another. Reason things out with someone else. But let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.

Chair: Would all who care to, please join with me in the Serenity Prayer. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

 

WORKSHOP SCRIPT

✅ (Intro)

 

9-905pm 0- to (Intro). 5  minutes 

 You Made it!”   welcome home! You have arrived!  

There is hope, there is a solution.  You are the reason this meeting exists 🙂   The primary and only purpose of this group is to carry its message of hope to the sex and love addict (tradition 5).  And what exactly is that message?  A spiritual awakening,   Step 12 “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result” of doing a few simple steps , “we tried  to carry this message to (sex and love addicts) and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.” 

My name is _____and I’ve been a member of this program for _____ and have been sober for ______ after an acting out career of _________

I will show you precisely how I and others recovered from sex love addiction using 12 simple steps. 

(Show basic text)

This is the basic text of our program, Chapters 1 and 2 describe one of the 4 founding members of SLAA story of acting out starting in 1961 for 15 years and then creating and recovering in SLAA. 

Quoting the basic text page 66 paragraph 3 line 1 “Our presentation does not intend to be a complete treatment of the 12 steps from the slaa perspective…we recommend that you also read the books Alcoholics Anonymous (especially chapters 5-7)

(Show big book.) 

This is the big book of  Alcoholics Anonymous  This book starts with the story of  Bill W and it describes the progressive nature of his acting out. In the 1920s, he was a successful wall street stock analyst, in a few short years he lost everything. He becomes an unemployed, hopeless addict.  Bill mentions how years into his acting out he realizes he is an addict page 8 “No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I was overwhelmed. Acting out was my master.”  but this realization is not enough to stop his addiction. 

 He can’t stop until his old high school friend Ebby visits him. Ebby has been sober for several months. He tells Bill his life has been transformed as the result of practicing the four spiritual activities of surrender, sharing, restitution and guidance that later became the foundation of the 12 step program.

 

Today we will use both the 12 steps illustrated which can be found in the enclosed document you all have  which, on the bottom of each page simplifies the language of the 12 steps, and we will use the official language of the SLAA steps.  STEP 1  official version: We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable. Simplified: SL has me down. My life is a mess.

 

 In the basic text of slaa on P. 74 paragraph 2 line 1 it states:  “Whether we were aware of it or not, our entire being had been molded by our failure, or refusal, to solve from within the problems of our real lives: insecurity, loneliness, and lack of any abiding sense of personal worth and dignity. Through sex, charisma, emotional appeal, or persuausive intellect, we had used other people as drugs to avoid facing our own personal inadequanacy.”  

 

Going  SLAA setting Bottom Lines on Page 23 paragraph 3 line 1

“…. Addictive, destructive behaviors render us unable to maintain self-control Indulging in such a temptation, to use an A.A . analogy, is our “first drink.” Behavior include: (SHOW ON SCREEN)

Some items on the following  list are from page 23 and 27 of the enclosed and various pages in the basic text of slaa and from program members.

 

*Contacting my sex qualifier

*Contacting my love qualifier

*Binge dating

*INSTamacy

*Swiping excessively

*Erotica

*Intriguing

*Fantasizing

*masturbating,

*Sextexting

*Cheating in committed relationships, 

*unhealthy pickup, 

*being a matchmaker in an unhealthy way

Having an affair

Excessive dependence on one person

Participating in romantic intrigue

Not leaving an abusive relationship

Compulsive avoidance of sociaVsexual activity

Paying for sex

Anonymous sex

Spending romantic time with someone who is in love with somebody else

Having sex with someone who is married

Pursuing a new relationship before ending an existing one

Having sex outside a committed, monogamous relationship

Having sex with a prostitute

Following someone home uninvited

Doing anything that could reasonably get you arrested

Lying to your spouse

Masturbating to pornography

Having anonymous sex

Going to strip clubs 

Having sex on the first date

Having unprotected sex

Having sex when you don’t want to

Contacting a former sex partner

Pursuing inappropriate or unavailable people

Compulsively avoiding sex in a committed, long-term relationship

Not entering or leaving a relationship without consulting my Higher Power and trusted advisors

Premature sex,

Exhibitionistic behavior 

Voyeurism 

 

Write down your addictive, destructive behaviors. that you feel powerless over — or

you know need to be stopped. These behaviors harm you and/or others. To some degree they make your  life unmanageable, and they have consequences.”

List

SLAA was started December 30, 1976, in Boston by 2 women and 2 men  who had come to realize that sex, romantic intrigue and dependency were affecting their lives in the same way as had their chemical addictions. They also found this the compulsion to continue with promiscuous sex or to return over and over to destructive relationships could not be controlled by willpower alone.

They found these 12 characteristics. (Save time, DON’T READ ALL, just show on screen)   People can read: OPEN CITYLIGHTS WEBPAGE AND RIGHT SIZE IT TO FIT AND THEY READ FROM THERE, under do i belong

  1. Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them. 
  2. Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God. 
  3. Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time. 
  4. We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.
  5. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.
  6. We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing care, and support. 
  7. We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.
  8. We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies.
  9. We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable. 
  10. We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities. 
  11. To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery. 
  12. We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations. 

(PAUSE ON PREVIOUS PAGE screen sharing)

Going back to the bottom lines pamphlet P.25 of the material paragraph 1 line 1: 

“As you review your list of destructive behaviors, keep an eye out for similarities. You may begin to see certain patterns of acting out emerging. Maybe it’s the type of activity

you pursue. Perhaps it’s the type of person you pursue. Possibly it’s the way that you create or alter your schedule to make time to act out. For example, your list may reveal that you repeatedly become involved with married people, severe workaholics and those who live far away. Therefore you might conclude that one of your addictive patterns is pursuing unavailable People. Which is the 9th characteristic ”We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.” Identifying addictive patterns  helps you avoid “new ways” of acting out – such as switching from beer to wine for an alcoholic”

What are your patterns? 

List
Quoting now from the basic text of slaa P. 73 paragraph3  line 7

“We began to recognise that our disease, far from being just a way to stop the clock with pleasure and intensity had molded our personalities in ways that would maximize our ability to get the addictive returns! Our physical appearance our mammerisms, the way we went about our careers or other activities, many of the traits we thought of us as our indentifying trademarks, as who we were, had been designed to serve our sex and love addiction. Even if we seemed to possess some positive traits, such as authentic concern for others, we could see that these had been perverted by our addiction, leaving us full of conflict and working at cross purposes. The line between compassion and passion had never been clear to us…

Quoting now from the bottom lines pamphlet P. 26 of the materials paragraph 1 line 1 

“You may notice other behaviors than those you just listed that are not destructive by themselves, but serve your addiction. It is vital to be aware of the obsessions, rituals, and triggers that have led to acting out. Look for behaviors that you are not sure belong on your bottom-lines or that have minor consequences. These are warning signs that you are in danger of acting out. ” 

Quoting from the basic text of slaa P. 108 paragraph 2 Line 5 and here in the enclosed P. 26 paragraph 2 line 1  “… we found that whenever we engaged in these accessory behaviors, regardless of how innocent or unaware we were of doing so, we had unwittingly set up the potential for sexual and emotional intrigue — just what we were trying

so desperately to avoid!” (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

©1 Page 108 .)  “Here are some examples of accessory behaviors:  (DONT READ ENTIRE LIST pause screen share to show on screen)

 

  1. Excessive Handshaking
  2. Backrubs 
  3. Hugging
  4. Cruising for sex
  5. Driving in certain neighborhoods
  6. Going places where you will run into a former unavailable partner
  7.  Exchanging phone numbers
  8. Screening phone calls
  9. Maintaining multiple phone numbers
  10. Having conversations with an erotic subtext
  11. Contacting former sex partners
  12.  Carrying a condom
  13.  Dressing provocatively
  14. . Keeping a packed overnight bag
  15. . Having large amounts of cash in your pocket
  16.  Drinking  or using drugs
  17.  Ignoring/overlooking abusive behavior
  18. . Looking up specific search words on the Internet
  19. . Reading romance novels
  20. . Seeing romantic movies
  21. . Reading personal ads
  22.  Routinely rejecting social invitations
  23.  Obsessing/fantasizing about unavailable people
  24. Making eye contact

 

List your accessory behaviors……

 

PAUSE

 

Do you now admit  to your innermost self that you are powerless over sex and love addiction that our lives had become unmanageable? We are now going to unmute you

 

Those who answered yes have now completed step one.” 

Now that we have admitted we have a problem let’s look at what we have to do in order to overcome this problem.

Step 2  Official language Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  Simplified language: there is help.  CUT SOME OF THIS

    SLAA is 19 thousand people around the world many of whom have recovered from Sex and Love Addiction

Big book P. 17 paragraph 2 line 3 “We are normally people who would not mix….The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.”

Big Book Roman Numeral 13 paragraph 5 line 1  “We are not an organization in the conventional sense of the word. …The only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop acting out. 

 This  particular meeting is part of the group Citylights New York, citylights nyc.org  

  •   Quoting Bill in the big book on page 12 paragraph 1 line 1 .” The word God still aroused a certain antipathy.. I didn’t like the idea. I could go for such conceptions as Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature.”
  • Big Book  Page  47 paragraph 1 line 1  “ When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God…” And 

Big book page 46 line 3 “We found that as soon as we were able to..,express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God” End quote. 

Therefore, In order to recover we have to find a power greater than ourselves, but where are we going to find it.

In the big book on  p. 55 paragraph “Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down is the fundamental idea of God…We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. “

  •  Let’s find that higher power within.  Lets now list healthy behaviors that according to the bottom lines pamphlet page 8 of the enclosed material at the bottom
  •  “are behaviors that have a positive, personal element-behavior that fulfill, nurture, bring healthy pleasure, growth and improve quality of life. Please list those behaviors now.

Some examples:

  • Pray and meditate
  • Leave the house today
  • Take care of myself today (for example:

brushing teeth … )

  • Talk to my sponsor before turning down an

invitation to a social event

  • Show up for my commitments

(dates, meetings, etc.)

  • Playing a musical instrument
  • Taking a class
  • Exercising
  • Communing with nature
  • Expressing creativity
  • Asking for help and support from friends
  • Scheduling a time for social interaction,

partnership and intimacy

  • Saying affirmations each day
  • Calling as many people as needed to actually

talk with someone, not just leaving voicemails

  • Play games or sports with others

 

LIST

 

    • (Step 2 continued)
    • Note that  unique to our program is a certain kind of withdrawal described  chapter 5 of the basic text  and the pamphlet on withdrawal and a pamphlet on the gift of  No contact  with qualifiers, if you email us at citylightsnyc.slaa@gmail.com we can send you a draft of the pamphlet. 

 

Going back to the big book Page 47 second paragraph line 1 

“We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?”

 

My answer is yes.

Your answer is? Unmuting everyone

 

According to the basic text authors, those who answered yes have taken step 2. 

 

Step 3 official language: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.  Simplified language on the enclosed P. 10 I let a hp take over. 

In the The Big Book  On P. 60 Paragraph 4 line 1:

“The first requirement to recovery is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. 

Big Book Page 62 1st paragraph line 1 “Selfishness–self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Above everything, we (addicts) must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! 

 

Going back to the big book P. 58 paragraph 4 line 1   “Remember you are dealing with sex love addiction,  it is cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help it is too much for you. But higher power has power. You must find higher power now. Half measures will avail you nothing. You stand at the turning point. Through yourself under higher powers protection and care with complete abandon. ’ 

Are you willing to go to any lengths to get sober?  If so, will you  commit now to becoming  “sober” by abstaining from the red and yellow light patterns and behaviors on a daily basis. Lets give those who answered yes a hand, unmuting 

(While clapping)

yeah, yes we are solving the problem.  The third step consists of a prayer found on the big book Page 63 paragraph 2 line 2 let me put it up on the screen 

  • God, I offer myself to Thee–to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” pp. 63
  • ——-end of step 3

 

STEP 4 official language: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Simplified language P. 11 of the enclosed materials.  I need to look at my life.

 

On the bottom of the big book  p 63 fourth paragraph

“Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal house cleaning, P. 64 alcoholics anonymous which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our (acting out) was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

Going back to the big book P 64 top of the first paragraph:

“Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was step four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret.” 

They go on

“We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.” 

We have a one page checklist for you to use.  Please write your name at the top and in the breakout rooms you will soon enter, you will  exchange your checklist with your sharing partner. 

The reason we exchange the lists with a  partner is step 5. 

Step 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  simplified I tell my story; I admit all i did wrong

 

Big book Pp. 72-73 Top of 1st paragraph 

“ the fifth  If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome acting out. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost 72 73 P. 74 invariably they acted out. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their house cleaning…We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.’

 

(BEFORE BREAKOUT ROOM)

The partner asks the newcomer saying “who or what are you angry at?”  

(1st liability: Resentment 1st asset: forgiveness)

“Next the  sharing partner asks the newcomer to describe the reasons why he or she is angry and where he or she is at fault. If they both agree the sharing partner is to blame, the sharing partner circles the item on the list. 

Just do this for resentment for 2 minutes.

Now we will enter breakout rooms

After 1st breakout room session read

 

Big book P.66  “We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle….P. 67 Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest” , prideful, jealous, envious, lazy and engaged in 9.  unsober sex and love?  “Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other persons. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly.”  

 

 a detailed definition of each liability is listed in the handouts after steps 4 and 5 

….at the bottom of the list #9 we write in unsober sex/love on the bottom (left) as a liability  sober sex/love on the right as an asset.   Big Book PP. 68 4th paragraph line 1  “Now about sex., “We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it….We subjected each relation to this test–was it selfish or not? ”

Quoting the BLUE BOOKLET STEP GUIDE NOT BBA Guide

(Just to get their head moving so they don’t have to answer all the questions) P. 6  question 4   Do you have an example of feigning interest, empathy or compassion for a person or a situation to attract someone for an addictive purpose, or to manipulate others fears or insecurities to keep them bound in your web?  STEP 4

  1. 11 question 5  (ends at the bottom of the page open the booklet–this is just a paraphrase) What images did you present? 

 

[fear (faith) 

Selfishness (unselfishness)

Dishonesty (honesty)

False pride (humility)

Jealousy (trust)

Envy (contentment)

Laziness (action)

And # 9 Unhealthy sex/love (healthy sex/love)

 

Now we will enter breakout rooms again.

 

After 2nd breakout room  

 

“We have now completed steps 4/5

 

STEP 6  . Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. I want to be free. 

In this Step, the “Big Book” authors have us answer a simple question. On page 76, starting with the third line in the first paragraph, they ask: 

“ . . . Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can (God) now take them all—every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.” 

.When ready, we answer this question: 

“Are you now ready to let God remove from you all the things which you JUST have admitted are objectionable?”

Those who answered yes have taken step 6

 

STEP 7  Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. Simple English “I ask  hp to help me be free”

 

This Step is straightforward. It consists of a prayer in which we ask God to remove our liabilities and strengthen our assets so we can be of maximum service to all.

 

 The prayer is found in the second paragraph on page 76. Let’s say it together

 

“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here , to do your bidding. Amen.” We have then completed step seven. 

 

AA P. 76 paragraph 3 line 1

‘Now we need more action, without which we find that “Faith without works is dead.” Let’s look at STEPS EIGHT AND NINE. 

STEP 8 Slaa official language: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all”  Simple language “I ask who did I hurt? How can I fix it?

 step 9 Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 

Step 9 I try to fix things if I can, I clean the house.

 

AA Big book P. 76 paragraph 3 line 3 

“We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we don’t have the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the  steps 3  beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over acting out’

In the enclosed materials it quotes P. 83 of the big book awakening it defines an apology versus an amends. 

“Apology is a polite gesture that sometimes does not imply admission of guilt or regret, but only

a desire to clear the grounds for some reason.

Amends is to formally compensate others for the harm I caused them with a sincere desire to

correct my behavior of the past and for the future, to make right my wrongs.” Steps 8 and 9 call for amends not apologies.  There are 4 kinds of amends: direct, living, in kind, and letter letter

  1. 81 Big Book Awakening gives an exact script for a direct amends.

“Write the exact nature of the wrong that you’re aware…if you’re not clear on the harm write

‘ask’….

Making the Approach

Always make the amends face to face or grave site. If it is not possible to do face to face then

use a phone call or a letter.

You say to them:

  1. This is why I’m here
  2. This is the harm I’m clear on.
  3. Is there any other harm I’m not aware of that you need to tell me about?
  4. Do you need to tell me how any of this hurt you personally or your company?
  5. Is there anything I can do to make this right?”

 

Big Book P. 79  1st paragraph “Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation…,but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.”

We should not accept abuse when making direct amends.  AA P. 83 paragraph 3 line 8 “We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.

On a living amends  Big Book of AA P. 80 paragraph 5 line 1  “The chances are that we have domestic troubles…. P. 81 paragraph 1 line 5….Undoubtedly we should admit our fault. ….Sometimes we hear an sex love addict  say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn’t. ……The sex and love addict is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough…… A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won’t fill the bill at all…..P. 83 The spiritual life is not a theory. we have to live it. 

We use living amends with our resentments Big book P. 67 “When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”

In the enclosed materials about the type of amends  “An amends -in-kind is described on page 82, paragraph one….There are many ways to make an amends-in-kind. Some examples are taking a Beginners’ Meeting into a halfway house or prison; volunteering at a homeless shelter or assisted living facility; or serving a Twelve-Step home group by taking on and fulfilling a service commitment.

In the third paragraph on page 83, the “Big Book” authors give directions on what to do if we can’t make amends to someone face-to-face.

“There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don’t worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. Some people cannot be seen-we send them an honest letter.” 

Here, the sponsor and the sponsee sit down together and write the letter. Then the sponsee reads it aloud and puts it in an envelope. Together, they go to the post office and mail it. The envelope has no name on it, no address on it, no return name or address, and no stamp.

Another way to send the letter is to burn it after reading it aloud. Again this is something the sponsor and sponsee do together. It is amazing that the letter goes exactly where it needs to go in order for the sponsee to heal. “

 

STEP 9

 

(Breakout rooms to finish amends list)

 

Quoting back to basics of recovery “ P. 60 Dr. Bob…learned he could not recover until he made his amends. In the big book on P.156 we learn that Bob accomplished his amends in 1 day. 

So, will you made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others?  will try to fix things if  you can starting tomorrow Wed? Will you do your homework without your dog eating it? My answer is yes . 

 

10pm  1038pm april 28

STEP 10  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

I check up on myself, i am honest. 

AA big book On page 84 starting with the eighth line in the 2nd paragraph:

 “Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. if we follow this “course of action”  our obsession to  act out will be removed. 

  1. 85 “It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for acting out is a subtle foe. We are not cured of sex love addiction. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Everyday is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee–Thy will (not mine) be done.”

Will you continue to take personal inventory and  and when we were wrong promptly admitted it will you check up on myself, i are you honest?.” My answer 

 

 

STEP 11 Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Power

greater than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power

to carry that out. Simplified I ask higher power to live the right way now.

 

Big Book P. 85 paragraph 2 line 1

“Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him and Her who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us

 Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. 

  1. 86 (continues) When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? After making our review we ask God’s forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. 
  2. 86 On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day.”  From how to listen to god  pamphlet 

 

Written in the late 1930’s by John E. Batterson 

(A personal friend of Dr. Bob’s—co-founder of the sister program.) 

 

http://www.aabacktobasics.org/Faith%20With%20Works%20Pub%20Co/HTLTG%20Pamphlet-Equal%20Bdr-107.pdf  starts on top right page two bottom left, page 3 bottom right page 4 top left of page 1 read headers 1-5. Read fully 5 and 6. Then stop).

 

“You can discover for yourself the most important and practical thing any human being can ever learn–how to be in touch with” higher power.  All that is needed is the willingness to try it honestly.  

 

These are the conditions (lets try to meet them now): 

– To be quiet and still 

– To listen 

– To be honest about every thought that comes 

– To test the thoughts to be sure that they come from God 

– To obey . So right now  relax, tune in … 

From P. 86 of the Big Book “Before we begin, our quiet time we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.”

 

Back to the how to listen to god pamphlet 

Open your heart to  higher power.. 

Listen 

Just be still, quiet, relaxed and open. Let your mind go “loose.” Let God do the talking. Thoughts, ideas, and impressions will begin to come into your mind and heart. Be alert and aware and open to everyone. 

  1. Write! 

Here is the important key to the whole process. Write down everything that comes into your mind. Everything. Writing is simply a means of recording so that you can remember later. Don’t sort out or edit your thoughts at this point. 

Don’t say to yourself: 

This thought isn’t important; 

This is just an ordinary thought; 

This can’t be guidance; 

This isn’t nice; 

This can’t be from God; 

This is just me thinking…, etc. 

Write down everything that passes through your mind: 

Names of people; 

Things to do; 

Things to say; 

Things that are wrong and need to be made right. 

 

Write down everything: 

Good thoughts – bad thoughts 

 

Comfortable thoughts – uncomfortable thoughts; 

“Holy” thoughts – “unholy” thoughts; 

Sensible thoughts – “crazy” thoughts. 

Be honest! Write down everything! A thought comes quickly, and it escapes even more quickly unless it is captured and put down.  So lets do that now for 1 minute. …… (take 1 minute)

  1. Test 

When the flow of thoughts slows down, stop. Take a good look at what you have written. Not every thought we have comes from God. So we need to test our thoughts. Here is where the written record helps us to be able to look at them. 

From Back to basics of Recovery by Wally P “How do we distinguish between those that come from self will and those that are of Gods will? We test them using the first four items on the fourth step assets and liabilities checklist. 

Obey 

Carry out the thoughts that have come. You will only be sure of guidance as you go through with it. A rudder will not guide a boat until the boat is moving. As you obey, very often the results will convince you that you are on the right track. 

 

 

 

Then the big book shows us what to do anytime we are confused on the 3rd paragraph of P.87

“As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer 88  (alcoholics anonymous) “running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” It works–it really does.”

For AA the founder of AA Bill W P. 17 top of the 4th para “I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within.”

For bill it was common sense to use acting out to escape his problems, and uncommon sense to stay sober and let god guide him through his difficulties. Bill’s life changed as the direct result of listening to and following guidance.

 

That’s all there is to it. If you’ve made conscious contact with the god of your understanding and you have started listening to guidance, you have, in fact had the psychic change” You are now living in the  BB P. 67 ”sunlight of the spirit.”

 

Are you willing to seek  through prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out?  will you  ask higher power to live the right way now? 

 

Those who answered yes have taken step 11. 

BB P 88 “But this is not all. In order to maintain the spiritual transformation, however, god’s discipline is not enough. There is action and more action. “Faith without work is dead. ” The next chapter of the big book, Chapter 7,  is entirely devoted to STEP TWELVE.

 

Step 12 FORMAL language  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives. Simple language” I help others I live by these steps

 

On page 89

“PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from acting out as intensive work with other sex love addicts. It works when other activities fail. “ 

 

“ Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends–this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.” P 89

The enclosed statistics from the AA monthly grapevine from August 1946 “The minneapolis record Indicates that 75% are successful in AA. The…group….(kept a) record of the sobriety of members from 3 months up…” (5,4,3,2 year members 100% successful, 0% slipped on their bottom lines, 75% over all success rate for 1943-45. The proof in these statistics:  The meetings with these %s did the steps immediately. Today, according to stats compiled in the sister program less than ½ this amount, less than 33% stay sober  as most people are often blocked from getting to step 12. 

In the enclosed materials in the step 12 section there is “Back to the Basics of Sponsorship  Key Concepts from the 1940’s:  “# 1.Put no block between the sponsee and Step Twelve. Get the sponsee to Step Twelve as quickly as possible, so he or she can experience the life-changing spiritual awakening that occurs as the direct result of taking the Steps. Assure the sponsee that our program of action “works-it really does.” Explain that the process is simple and straight­forward.”

According to Wally P, Author of Back to Basics of Recovery  “Bob took 5000 people through the steps in 10 years, do the math that’s 1.12 people a day”

On pp. 13-14 in the big book  we read that Bill W while in detox at Towns Hospital in NYC took the steps in one day, recovered and never  acted out again. Later in this chapter we learn that Bill d  did the steps right away 

On page 262 paragraph 6 Earl T said  “The day before i was due to go back to Chicago it was dr bob’s afternoon off, he had me to the office and we spent three or four hours formally going through the…program, dr bob led me through all of these steps. he finally asked me if I wanted these defects of character removed. When I said yes, we both knelt at his desk and prayed, each of us asking to have these defects taken away.

In the 3rd edition of the big book Clarence b  “would take newcomers through the steps in a weekend…….”

 The pioneers of the sister program repeated this process hundreds of thousands of times during the early days with remarkable success.”

  1. 6  Back to Basics of Recovery“The only words used in the ‘big book,’ to describe steps one through nine are ‘next’ ‘at once,’ ‘immediately,’ and ‘we waste no time.’”

…..“When a newcomer enters the 12 step community, whether from a treatment center, detox, or the street, he or she passes through a window of opportunity-a period of time when he or she is most ‘teachable, how long does a person remain in this state? “Do we have a year? Absolutely not! Do we have a month? Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t. Do we have a week? For many , that may be pushing it. What if we only have today? What if we assume the newcomer is going to relapse tomorrow (and in many cases this is true). Why not take him or her through the steps today in order to prevent that relapse tomorrow?”

The big book on  P. 18 Mentions how top shrinks can not get a sex love addict to “discuss his situation without reserve.” However,on P. 89  “as an ex problem” sex love addict who has “found this solution, who is properly armed with the facts about herself, can…win the entire confidence of another sex love addict in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. “  Can you see that “because of your own acting out experience you can be uniquely useful to other sex and love addicts?”  P. 92 of the big book “you may talk to him about the hopelessness of sex love addiction because you offer a solution.” And in the big book awakening P. 94 “The only person who can convince someone that they are helpless is someone equally helpless and whose found a way out  Your story, if you can stay sober and make amends,  is  helpful to them. “

Again, chapter 7 of the big book is entirely about how to do a 12th step outreach call outside of a meeting   on P. 90  Don’t try to persuade….. First,  P. 91  “engage in general conversation then talk about a phase of Acting out; talk about myself first to get him to talk if he doesn’t want to talk, talk about your Acting/Out career until you quit;  if he is serious, tell him about my troubles I have; if he’s in a funny mood tell him humorous stories: get him to talk. 

Once he knows you are  an expert at acting out then tell here you are a sex love addict. Show him all the twists that got you to have you first (hit)  P. 92 “Keep talking about Sex love addiction  as an illness that’s fatal; talk about my personal experiences.  Tell him the program of action:  you made a self appraisal;  why you’re trying to help her, to straighten out your past, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. P 94 “You only ask that he help others  when he escapes his difficulties.’ 

Bill D, The 3rd member of the sister program described his experience with the 2 founders on P. 186 they said to me  “do you want to quit? Its none of our business about your sex/love acting out. We’re not up here trying to take any of your rights or privileges away from you, but we have a program whereby we think we can stay sober. Part of this program is that we take it to  someone else who needs it and wants it. Now, if you don’t want it, we’ll not take up your time and we’ll be going and looking for someone else.”….I…reviewed my life. I thought what sex love addiction had done to me, the opportunities that I had discarded, the abilities that had been given me and I had wasted them, and I finally came to the conclusion…that I was willing to do anything in the world to stop my sex love addiction. I was willing to admit to myself that I had hit bottom, that I had gotten hold of something that I didn’t know how to handle by myself…” After he is well into his recovery Bill W says to him and his wife “The Lord has been so wonderful to me, curing me of this terrible disease, that I just want to keep telling people about it….” Bill D “I came into SLAA solely for the purpose of sobriety but it has been through SLAA that I have found higher power.” 

On page 96 of the big book “We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you.  If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself.  To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other sex love addict an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects.  He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance.”  I.E. Don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t want it, it takes time for others who need and want help. 

Big book P. 84 “And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone– even acting out  For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in acting out. If tempted, we recoil from it as if from a hot flame. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality–safe and protected. The problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition” by constantly checking up on ourselves, the 10th step helping others make amends step 12. 

Also,  unique program tool  for slaa are dating plans and sex plans one female member’s is after the 12th step in the enclosed materials, we can also email to you if you email us at citylightsnyc.slaa@gmail.com  

    • Summary: To review we are powerless over our addiction, we need a higher power, we find that power thats amends and helping others make amends and help others make amends
  •  You will lose your sobriety and break your bottom lines, relapse  and maybe end in jail and or dead if you don’t do step 12, and you can’t do step 12 until u do the other 11 steps, and that means u have 2 do ur homework which is step 9, its spiritual homework that is a life and death matter.
    • Will you come back next week and help someone else do their inventory?
  • Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps will you try  to carry this message to sex and love addicts and to practice these principles in all areas of your lives? Simply: will you live by these steps and get better. Will you try to help other sex and love addicts? Will your primary purpose at meetings be to save lives? My answer is yes, what about you?

 

FINAL STATEMENTS (SCRIPT CONTINUES)

 

Chair: A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long: whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too. If you try to keep an open mind you will find help. You will realize that there is no circumstance too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened. We aren’t perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. After a while you will discover that, though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way—the same way we already love you.”

Chair: Would all who care to, please join with me in the Serenity Prayer and a closing slogan. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

Keep coming back it works if you work it so work it you’re worth it and live it!